Ten Tactics to Amuse Yourself at Redundant and Boring Workplace Trainings/Meeting

I'm not sure who first decided that it is beneficial to train employees over and over with the same subject matter year after year, but I'm pretty sure that I'd like to punch them in the face, whomever they may be.  I get the fact that repetition increases retention, but I found this theory most useful when I was learning my colors and numbers at age three.  You would think that today's modern workforce supervisors would treat their professional employees slightly more maturely than toddlers, but apparently they have not yet found the value in treating adults like adults. 

Although these types  of training meet and often exceed my job irritant quota, there are also many meetings, both weekly and monthly that I have to sit through in which my relevant portion accounts for approximately one one thousandth of the meeting.  In these times of necessity I have found ways through the years to occupy my mind in a way that keeps me from falling asleep and depositing unsanitary drool all over the table.  I like to think of this as a courtesy to my co-workers who might not appreciate the delicate glisten of my saliva.

Most of these tactics require a certain amount of discretion, the degree of which depends on your superiors’ ‘give a shit’ level.  Please use wisely.  If you find the desire to use any of the below tactics while talking to clients, go to your desk and immediately apply for some vacation time. 

My own personal top ten tactics to amuse myself during boring trainings/meetings are as follows: 

10.  Do other work. .Do your real work in a manner that the facilitator of the meeting/training assumes you are fastidiously taking notes.


9. Doodle.   Draw pictures to amuse yourself in the same manner you would do real work in number 10.  If you have a kindred spirit sitting next to you, you can even exchange knowing glances and silently grin at the others creative efforts. 


8. Count things.  If you want a tactic that requires little creative effort, number 9 is for you.  Ceiling tiles, carpet stains, the number of times your co-worker’s head wobbles as they fall asleep before they jolt awake again, and the number of times the facilitator says ‘um’ are all good fodder for counting.  


7. Write notes.  If you are so fortunate as to be sitting next to the kindred spirit referenced in number 8, you can discretely write notes back and forth to them about how dumb and/or boring the training is.  One of my favorite note conversations took place during a training at a corrections facility in which the normally very serious director of clinical services sitting next to me slid his notepad over to my space after writing “This is the most useless training in the history of ever.”  Thanks to his initial outreach, we amused ourselves thoroughly for the rest of the day utilizing this tactic as well as number 9.   



6. High School Who’s Who.  Look around the room and choose the people for the categories in your head.  Who would get best dressed?  Most talented?  Most likely to get a promotion? Most likely to have an affair with a co-worker?  Most likely to think you are a slacker for not paying attention right now?  Most proficient at kissing the boss’s ass? (the last two are usually the same person).  


5. Twilight Zone Entrapment. This game is in reference to an old Twilight Zone episode in which a group of people are trapped in a moment of time, in this case your meeting.  Time has moved on with the real you, and this old you is stuck in a moment with only the people in that room.  You can move out of the room to the empty earth, but no one else will be there.  Where do you go and what do you do? What would the others choose to do with their lonely existence?  


4. Lord of the Flies.  Imagine that the lot of you in that room have crash landed on an island and have no hope of being rescued.  Who forms in what groups and who emerges as leaders? Who is in the evil group and who is among the good?  Who will work harder than everyone else to build huts, and who will be the first poor soul eaten if cannibalism rears its ugly head? Warning: this fantasy can evoke sadistic thoughts and should not be utilized by anyone who was over sympathetic to Jeffery Dahmer. 

3. Desert Island.  You can pick one other person in the room to be with you forever on a desert island.  Obviously you want to choose someone to be your love interest because eternal celibacy would not be interesting or fun.  If you are a heterosexual man or lesbian in the social work field, this should be an easier one for you because there are usually lots of  females to choose from   If you are a woman or gay man, this fantasy will be a good opportunity to ponder your sexuality in case your hand were ever so forced. This will also be the case if there are other people in the room that are of the gender you prefer but they are all extraordinarily unattractive.  

2. Boredom Texting.  Boredom Texting as it pertains to redundant trainings consists of texting your colleagues within the same room secretly with humorous anecdotes, being careful not to be caught and offending the typically well-meaning trainer.  Under no circumstances should boredom texting ever be allowed to turn into workplace sexting.  Not only is it inappropriate for the workplace, but there are really no sanitary places to sneak off to should you both become hot and bothered.  If you just said to yourself 'the bathroom', get off my blog you dirty, dirty harlot. 

Number,  hmm. I said get off, you.  Only the cleanliness conscientious may proceed to number one. 




1.Play-Dough.  This is the best tactic I have found, because it allows me to amuse myself and still listen somewhat for important (unlikely) information.  It requires that you be prepared with the play dough on your person, and a short prepared excuse about having ADHD and needing to occupy your hands during such situations.  I used this tactic recently during an exceptionally boring all day training. Pictured below are the fruits (and vegetables and flowers and heart and gecko) of my labor.