The Value of a Nemesis

Even those of us who are naturally comical occasionally find reasons for depression, and tonight I lament my own reason for my current sadness: the loss of my nemesis. Before I explain about her, I would like to explain the concept of valuing a nemesis at all.

Since I was but a tot, I can remember being dramatic. The phrase drama queen had not been coined at the time of my birth, which was fortunate or it might have ended up being my first and middle name. I'm quite sure I came out of the womb with a top hat and cane to announce my own victory over the birth canal. Somewhere during my childhood, I discovered that I might not get along with everybody all the time and when this would happen, I assumed my only choice was to make those people my sworn enemies for life. While I recognize now that it requires way too much energy to do this with everyone, coupled with the fact that occasionally its me who turns out to be the ass in a situation, I no longer see this as my only option. I do still, however, usually manage to find that one person in my life that I dislike to the extent of calling them my nemesis. Most of the time, due to simple convenience, these will be co-workers.

I think there are several reasons that I find having a nemesis so appealing. First and foremost, finding fault with someone else all the time affirms your own judgments about behaviors, standards and morals. I spend a lot of time tolerating 99.9 percent of people's transgressions, helping them no matter how deplorable their behavior, and I need that one person to actually despise, perhaps. I am employed to help the most unfortunate in our society, so its possible I feel that someone I consider to be equal to myself in education and opportunity is fair game for criticism. Whatever the case, I have had a nemesis at most points my whole working career. Its exciting, motivational, and fun for me. It provides me with an arena in which to be very dramatic, and probably makes me a better worker due to my own competitiveness.

While I usually have chosen an attorney or doctor to be my nemesis, at my current job it was a fellow worker in my main office. This was a new job for both of us, and she had never done any type of social work before. From the first week of employment, she apparently decided she did not like me and when she proceeded to make my life a living hell, I cheered myself up by saying to myself "Wait a minute... NEMESIS, yeah baby, got one already!" She was quite the adversary too. She was intelligent, hmm. Well, I guess thats all. She was intelligent. I was going to list all her good traits but that's it. Now for the bad ones: arrogant, judgmental, shallow, materialistic, stubborn, inconsiderate, rude, obnoxious, self-centered, mean, crazy, pig-headed, obsessively compulsive, borderline-borderline, ridiculously oppressive. I think that about covers it. She was an ultra-conservative republican who obsessed over the abuse of the welfare system, doing social work. I swear I'm not making that up.

In any case, it was the first time that having a nemesis actually almost became unproductive for me. It got to the point that she infuriated me on a daily basis, and it wasn't long before she had infuriated others in the office as well. I spent every day for the last month waiting for her to quit or get fired, but when she finally quit this week I found myself actually feeling a little bad. As if I willed it to happen. I mean, I did, but I'm not so naive to think that my wishes actually have the capacity to affect reality. (My sister really does think that she can cause bad things to happen to others by thinking badly of them, but thats another blog)

It was for the best. She really had no stomach for social work and now will not have any opportunities to make children or grown men cry and hate us all. I'm going to miss her though, and that adorable little way she used to spew hate everywhere. So I say to you, fellow nemesis collectors, value your nemesis while they are still around to be the object of your critique. Recognize what they add to your life, and how because they exist, you don't have to be so critical of everyone else.

The Anti-Social Workers

Is it just me, or are there a lot of social workers that aren’t very social, or work oriented for that matter? I thought I would attempt to sort through some of the categories of social workers that should find a new profession. I mean, let’s face it, some folks just are not cut out for taking on all the ills of society. It doesn’t make them bad people, it just makes them make all of us look like bad people. Now, I know that I do my best to keep my anonymity when posting anything on the internet, but I write this entry with great fear that someone who knows someone who knows somewhat who I am will read it and assume I am talking about them. Just so you know, I am : ) In all seriousness, if you think you see yourself in any of the categories below, please exit this ride to your left and enjoy the rest of your life.

The Debutante

This is that chick that grew up privileged and wealthy, who really does want world peace, so she nobly gets a job that she thinks will help save humanity. She didn’t realize that saving humanity would require her to walk in neighborhoods that might steal the silicone from her breasts. She was never told that she might have to be nice to children who were covered in dirt and smelled like eggs. She somehow envisioned that she would only be saving pretty people who would share in her appreciation of a fabulous conditioner. Most of these debutantes do not really come from wealth at all, but honestly believe they do. While their hearts are in the right place, and I really do appreciate that they wanted to help, they should put their talents to something they have the stomach for, like fundraising for world peace.

The Lazy Bum

We all know that even the greatest, hardest social worker will get behind on their work due to time constraints, too many cases, not enough workers and a lack of funding (thanks, congress, really) but that is not who I am referring to. I am referring to the lazy bum who pretends to be working all the time but just isn’t. I am talking about the worker that spends more time wasting time than not. For example, consider the worker that plays games on their desktop all day, or the one that goes out on a case and really ends up at the mall three counties away so that nobody sees them not working. They falsify documents as well as their timesheets and will seldom be caught because everyone else actually is too busy to notice. If this is you, do me a favor: raise both hands in the air perpendicular to your face and then swing each of them, one after the other, in line with your jaw line. Thanks.

The Power Tripper

I know that it seems contradictory to social work, but that is precisely my point. I have, throughout my years, seen various workers that actually get off on the fact that they are in a perceived position of authority over their clients. Perhaps they look too much like Betty Crocker to be taken seriously in law enforcement or maybe they have some delusions as to the power that they actually do have, but it happens. They usually make life miserable for their clients and are even less productive than the debutantes or the lazy bums because they can actually do further damage to people’s lives that the rest of us then have to undo. Also, unlike the previous two categories, these people usually never have good intentions in the first place. If you come across a true power tripper, you must suggest to them that you believe their talents should not be wasted in this field. Talk them into going into law enforcement, government, or a lion’s den. I know that if they take your advice they will likely be shot, defeated or chewed to bits but just remember that it’s for the greater good.

Munchausen Mother Theresa

You know they are out there. They take a run of the mill social work case and turn it into a devastating tragedy in their minds. By some cruel fate they are always seem to be working with the characters from a Lifetime movie. They turn children into victims, patients into appellants, well meaning relatives into murder suspects, and drag one month cases on for years. While it is my opinion that this category is the least annoying and dangerous of all I’ve listed, you should still prepare yourself for the fact that they probably aren’t going anywhere. There is just enough real tragedy in the field to keep them interested, and we can only hope that in between imagining things they manage to get their work done.

If none of the above definitions fit you to a tee, congratulations!!! You most likely pass muster for not being the cause of my migraines. Please remember that it is your duty to identify those who do and quickly formulate a plan to eliminate them from the profession. You know, right after you finish all of the other work you have to do.

You Might Be a Social Worker If...

I read a funny and much appreciated list of ‘ways you know you are a social worker’ here and thought that I had to add a few of my own. So, ladies and gentlemen, you know you are a social worker if:

1. You become concerned when you hear someone say “I’m gonna kill so and so” because they might mean it literally.

2. You think that having a mortgage is downright luxurious.

3. You scan rooms for possible weapons when you are talking to others, in case you needed them.

4. Everyone you know calls you during a high profile case hoping you will suddenly forget the ethics you have explained to them 2.5 billion times.

5. People with PhD’s and law degrees constantly seek your advice while drawing three times the pay.

6. You have grown accustomed to being threatened in a violent manner, and honestly don’t worry about it most of the time.

7. You can name at least three good things about any deplorable situation or person.

8. You used to be idealistic, but now recognize how cute that is.

9. You have taken time management courses and still can’t manage your time.

10. You have the ability to recognize that a drug dealer is really an entrepreneur, and a that most sociopaths would make excellent attorneys, and can find a way to convince each of them that they really can focus their strengths in a legal manner.

Why would anyone choose social work?

When I was 6 years old I wanted to be an astrophysicist. Actually, I just wanted a job looking at the stars and my brother taught me the very impressive term 'astrophysicist' and I began saying it frequently when I learned that it impressed adults very much. I also wanted to be a truck driver, a princess, a rock star, and President of the United States. Not once, however, in all my youth, did I ever dream of being a social worker.

I doubt that I even knew what a social worker was until sometime in early adulthood. I remember going through a phase during that time when I had the overwhelming desire to change the world, and I decided to take a class in sociology to test the waters. After intro to soc, I decided that the field was obviously too complicated and boring at the same time (quite a feat) for me to entertain that path further. I decided to pursue a psychology degree instead, because I recognized by that point that perhaps spending a career around those with more mental issues than myself might be good for my self esteem.

Now, since my loins had been sanctioned as a baby factory during these years, and production was lucrative, my choices had no immediate consequences. I did not use my education in psychology for several years after college and instead spent my time shaping the world of my three children. It was not until a devastating divorce and a sudden need to find employment that I gave any thought at all to my career choice. I learned quite quickly that possessing only an undergraduate degree in psychology is like buying a house with the roof missing. You spent a ton of money but it is not actually functional. Interestingly enough, however, the one thing I found that was remotely related to my field was a case manager position at a mental health facility for juvenile delinquents.

The pay was not great, but it kept food in our mouths and I was in no position to be choosy. It marked the beginning of a career in social work that was accidental, but perhaps destined. I'm still here, after many years although I have switched positions, locations and specialties a few times. The only thing that has remained consistent (other than the chaos) is that I have always worked and continue to work with generally underprivileged families.

Some days, I still want to save the world. Some days, I do. Other days, I envy Ted Bundy. I have been burned out, burned back in, seasoned, tenured, assaulted, combative, unappreciated, over-credited, and overwhelmed. I see the best and the worst of human nature on a daily basis, and I live each day to tell about it.

When attempting to think of a name for this blog, I finally decided on the social work cynic for two reasons: a) my other clever name ideas were taken already and b) I like that the word cynic has an interesting history. When we hear the word cynic today, we generally think of the distrusting, sarcastic individual that is the eternal pessimist of human nature. However, cynicism, in its traditional philosophic roots was almost in complete contrast. It promoted abandoning material possessions, fame and power. It championed self-sufficiency. Since my view on social work definitely fluctuates from kumbaya to murderous rage depending on the day, I think the duality of the term 'cynic' is appropriate.