Because I have been writing, just not here....

I have been having the hardest time keeping up with this blog.  I just commented on another social work site that I appreciated funny blogs and had trouble finding any before starting my own that also pertained to social work.  However, now that I have committed myself to such an endeavor, it is very difficult to keep up on a daily basis and I have had the pleasure of watching my visit count go from several hundred to one or two a day. If you have ever sat and refreshed the view counter over and over instead of focusing on new material, you know exactly what I mean.  In any case, I have been writing, just slightly more seriously due to an upset by a recent issue in our US media with radio talk show host Dr. Laura.  You can read my rant on the issue of racism and of my dissatisfaction with Dr. Laura in general here.  Of course I have been writing other things as well, but if anyone at work ever knew about all of the nerd-love erotica I write I might be out of a job.  Wow, I couldn't help myself just now and googled that to see if such a thing actually existed and all I can say is don't search that term at work or in your home if you don't want your tech guy to think you have a pornography addiction. Now, if your tech guy is really nerdy and you are actually into that sort of thing, by all means, search away.

UPDATE:  Apparently I need to learn to close out my browser before I abandon my laptop to go to work.  My spouse apparently uses my laptop occasionally (no idea why the three other computers in the house aren't sufficient for him) and thinks that I have a nerd-love erotica fetish, whatever that is.  I mean, I guess its true that I am attracted to nerds, and he is aware that I have always found The Professor,  Jeff Goldblum and John Stewart extremely attractive, but now he thinks I have a 'problem'. I'll let you know if he becomes jealous and starts reciting physics equations in the bedroom.  Actually, that might be kinda hot...

The Value of a Nemesis

Even those of us who are naturally comical occasionally find reasons for depression, and tonight I lament my own reason for my current sadness: the loss of my nemesis. Before I explain about her, I would like to explain the concept of valuing a nemesis at all.

Since I was but a tot, I can remember being dramatic. The phrase drama queen had not been coined at the time of my birth, which was fortunate or it might have ended up being my first and middle name. I'm quite sure I came out of the womb with a top hat and cane to announce my own victory over the birth canal. Somewhere during my childhood, I discovered that I might not get along with everybody all the time and when this would happen, I assumed my only choice was to make those people my sworn enemies for life. While I recognize now that it requires way too much energy to do this with everyone, coupled with the fact that occasionally its me who turns out to be the ass in a situation, I no longer see this as my only option. I do still, however, usually manage to find that one person in my life that I dislike to the extent of calling them my nemesis. Most of the time, due to simple convenience, these will be co-workers.

I think there are several reasons that I find having a nemesis so appealing. First and foremost, finding fault with someone else all the time affirms your own judgments about behaviors, standards and morals. I spend a lot of time tolerating 99.9 percent of people's transgressions, helping them no matter how deplorable their behavior, and I need that one person to actually despise, perhaps. I am employed to help the most unfortunate in our society, so its possible I feel that someone I consider to be equal to myself in education and opportunity is fair game for criticism. Whatever the case, I have had a nemesis at most points my whole working career. Its exciting, motivational, and fun for me. It provides me with an arena in which to be very dramatic, and probably makes me a better worker due to my own competitiveness.

While I usually have chosen an attorney or doctor to be my nemesis, at my current job it was a fellow worker in my main office. This was a new job for both of us, and she had never done any type of social work before. From the first week of employment, she apparently decided she did not like me and when she proceeded to make my life a living hell, I cheered myself up by saying to myself "Wait a minute... NEMESIS, yeah baby, got one already!" She was quite the adversary too. She was intelligent, hmm. Well, I guess thats all. She was intelligent. I was going to list all her good traits but that's it. Now for the bad ones: arrogant, judgmental, shallow, materialistic, stubborn, inconsiderate, rude, obnoxious, self-centered, mean, crazy, pig-headed, obsessively compulsive, borderline-borderline, ridiculously oppressive. I think that about covers it. She was an ultra-conservative republican who obsessed over the abuse of the welfare system, doing social work. I swear I'm not making that up.

In any case, it was the first time that having a nemesis actually almost became unproductive for me. It got to the point that she infuriated me on a daily basis, and it wasn't long before she had infuriated others in the office as well. I spent every day for the last month waiting for her to quit or get fired, but when she finally quit this week I found myself actually feeling a little bad. As if I willed it to happen. I mean, I did, but I'm not so naive to think that my wishes actually have the capacity to affect reality. (My sister really does think that she can cause bad things to happen to others by thinking badly of them, but thats another blog)

It was for the best. She really had no stomach for social work and now will not have any opportunities to make children or grown men cry and hate us all. I'm going to miss her though, and that adorable little way she used to spew hate everywhere. So I say to you, fellow nemesis collectors, value your nemesis while they are still around to be the object of your critique. Recognize what they add to your life, and how because they exist, you don't have to be so critical of everyone else.

Why would anyone choose social work?

When I was 6 years old I wanted to be an astrophysicist. Actually, I just wanted a job looking at the stars and my brother taught me the very impressive term 'astrophysicist' and I began saying it frequently when I learned that it impressed adults very much. I also wanted to be a truck driver, a princess, a rock star, and President of the United States. Not once, however, in all my youth, did I ever dream of being a social worker.

I doubt that I even knew what a social worker was until sometime in early adulthood. I remember going through a phase during that time when I had the overwhelming desire to change the world, and I decided to take a class in sociology to test the waters. After intro to soc, I decided that the field was obviously too complicated and boring at the same time (quite a feat) for me to entertain that path further. I decided to pursue a psychology degree instead, because I recognized by that point that perhaps spending a career around those with more mental issues than myself might be good for my self esteem.

Now, since my loins had been sanctioned as a baby factory during these years, and production was lucrative, my choices had no immediate consequences. I did not use my education in psychology for several years after college and instead spent my time shaping the world of my three children. It was not until a devastating divorce and a sudden need to find employment that I gave any thought at all to my career choice. I learned quite quickly that possessing only an undergraduate degree in psychology is like buying a house with the roof missing. You spent a ton of money but it is not actually functional. Interestingly enough, however, the one thing I found that was remotely related to my field was a case manager position at a mental health facility for juvenile delinquents.

The pay was not great, but it kept food in our mouths and I was in no position to be choosy. It marked the beginning of a career in social work that was accidental, but perhaps destined. I'm still here, after many years although I have switched positions, locations and specialties a few times. The only thing that has remained consistent (other than the chaos) is that I have always worked and continue to work with generally underprivileged families.

Some days, I still want to save the world. Some days, I do. Other days, I envy Ted Bundy. I have been burned out, burned back in, seasoned, tenured, assaulted, combative, unappreciated, over-credited, and overwhelmed. I see the best and the worst of human nature on a daily basis, and I live each day to tell about it.

When attempting to think of a name for this blog, I finally decided on the social work cynic for two reasons: a) my other clever name ideas were taken already and b) I like that the word cynic has an interesting history. When we hear the word cynic today, we generally think of the distrusting, sarcastic individual that is the eternal pessimist of human nature. However, cynicism, in its traditional philosophic roots was almost in complete contrast. It promoted abandoning material possessions, fame and power. It championed self-sufficiency. Since my view on social work definitely fluctuates from kumbaya to murderous rage depending on the day, I think the duality of the term 'cynic' is appropriate.